Drunkese

People always say that speaking a foreign language is easier when you're drunk. I don't know what cognitive abilities alcohol opens up, but for the most part this maxim holds true. Of course, if you attempt to learn any new words in the given language in this state you will forget everything the next morning, but the conversations up until then are amazing.

Last night a couple of buddies and I decided to go out and drink lots of beer for no real reason. We started out with dinner at JJ's, a new Singaporean-run churrascaria on Pham Ngu Lao that is currently running a ridiculous deal on its buffet of freshly grilled meats. This was a very manly start to the night, with hardly a vegetable in sight.

We then decided to take a taxi to a German brewhouse on Nguyen Du. This is one of the easiest streets in the city to pronounce. 'Du' basically sounds like 'you'. However, for some bizarre reason, the taxi driver didn't understand us.
We would say: "Pasteur and Nguyen Du."
"Nguyen Dinh Cheiu?"
"No, Nguyen Du."
"...Nguyen Dinh Cheiu?"

This went on for another minute or so until we decided to just give up and give him street by street directions on how to get there. I'm still perplexed by this one.

Then, a couple of hours and quite a few German beers later, we hopped into another taxi to head to Broma. I was pretty sloshed by this point, and since I was in the front seat I decided to fire up a Vietnamese conversation with the driver.

"How are you?" This question seemed to surprise him, and he laughed and responded that he was fine.
Then he asked how I was:
"Good. I'm drunk."
Another laugh. "Only you?"
"Ah, no. We're all drunk. We've been drinking German beer."
"German beer! Vietnamese love German beer!"
"Do you like Vietnamese beer?"
"Yes!"

There wasn't any depth to the conversation beyond that, but I got out of the taxi in a state of elation. The brief conversation had been fluid, and neither one of us had to ask the other to repeat anything. Why can't I do that more often? A lot of the time I get so nervous that I fail to respond to even basic questions in Vietnamese. Maybe I just need to be drunk all the time? Not exactly my idea of fun though.

Anyway, the night ended after a half-baked attempt to reach the helipad attached to the 52nd floor of the Bitexco Tower at 1:30am. I didn't even think the building would be open, but we strolled right through the automatic doors no problem. Amazingly, there was no security in sight. We got onto an escalator to get to the bank of elevators that goes to the upper floors, but right as we were reaching the top a guard appeared out of nowhere and told us to leave. The bar on 52 had closed at 10pm. There wasn't really any way around him, so we just turned around and left. Hey, at least we tried. (I should mention that the helipad isn't actually accessible, ever. The doors to it are always locked.)

Escape

Another weekend, another major entertainment event shut down by police. Held Saturday night at Diamond Island, an ultra high-end condo complex in the undeveloped marshlands of Thu Thiem, Dose's Summer Escape Party was billed as Vietnam's first-ever electronic dance music festival. I don't normally have that much interest in EDM, but with the right friends and the right products it can be fun. Plus I always like checking out new things here.

According to our $10 tickets, a free speedboat ride from the District 1 riverside to District 2 was included, so I headed down to the wharf around 7 with a couple of buddies. Lots of people were milling around, and only after asking a staff member did we learn that the speedboat had stopped running at 4pm. The festival began at 2 and was supposed to last all night. As per usual there was no sign telling people not to waste their time.

We hopped into a taxi and eventually arrived at Diamond Island, which is right on the river and is surrounded by absolutely nothing. At least there wouldn't be any neighbors to complain (at least that's what we thought). There was a big crowd, and it was obvious that a lot of work had gone into putting this event together. Two stages, one on a grassy field and the other on the side of the complex's pool, were set to host 30 DJs over the night. In one area we could hear souped-up cars doing donuts, but that looked like an accident waiting to happen so we steered clear. A healthy mix of expats and young locals danced and caroused. As soon as we checked out the pool stage I regretted not bringing my swimsuit, but oh well.

More friends began arriving and we carved out some dancing space near the stage in the field. This was one of the most professional productions I've seen in Vietnam, and the setting was awesome. The darkness of the river and the swamps sat in front of the glowing skyline in the distance, and everyone was having a great time. A sudden downpour left everyone soaked, but fortunately it cleared up quickly.

Then, as I wandered up to the pool stage later on, I heard somebody making an announcement about police. Word soon got around that the music was ending, as the cops had arrived. I don't even think it was midnight, and the scheduled end time had been 4am. Furious that yet another event was getting shut down, we didn't want to end our night yet so we headed back into the city and ended up at, of all places, Apocalypse Now, along with plenty of other festival-goers.

I guess at this point nothing the police here do should surprise me, but I was really hoping they would leave something out in the boonies alone. I don't even think anybody lives in Diamond Island yet, so no one was being bothered. It was a closed, controlled environment, so we weren't corrupting the precious youths of Saigon. I haven't heard any reasoning behind the shut down, but I'm sure it was the usual combination of corruption, communism and conservatism. The authorities here are really doing their best to kill any sort of music/festival scene before it gets a chance to take off.

Fortunately it was still a good night, as there are places in District 1 that must have the right connections that allow them to stay open till the crack of dawn. After getting home a little after 5 I headed up to the roof of my building to watch the sunrise, something I've been meaning to do since I moved in. Sadly the clouds conspired against me and I couldn't see the sun, so I just went to bed.

On a sidenote, props to the Dose team for putting together a great event. Hopefully they won't be discouraged in the future.

Fly a Kite

Every evening, and especially on weekends, Saigon's few open spaces fill up with people flying kites. I have no idea if there is any significance regarding Vietnamese culture, but this is very popular along the canal that separates district 4, 5 and 8, and out on the Thu Thiem peninsula in District 2. In a way, kite flying is the perfect activity in a city that doesn't have much free horizontal space, but still has lots of open vertical space outside of downtown. Plus, the wet season is usually pretty windy, so kites can hang up in the sky for hours. (Click on the pictures for a bigger version.)

 And, just for shits and giggles, a lovely recent sunset from my building.

Weekly Roundup

This is the first in what I hope will become a weekly series in which I share the most interesting, informative, disturbing, entertaining and/or ridiculous Vietnam-related stories from the previous seven days.

1) The government continues to crack down on freedom of speech, with yet another blogger being arrested on vague, Orwellian charges of "abusing rights to freedom and democracy to infringe upon State interests and the legitimate interests of organizations and/or citizens".

2) The country's cultural gatekeepers once again show how out of touch with reality they are by banning 'Cho Lon', the latest action movie from brothers Charlie and Johnny Nguyen. The film, whose title means Chinatown in English, is set in that section of Saigon. The Vietnam Film department asked the Nguyen brothers to re-edit the movie and cut some of the violence a few months ago, which they did, but they were critical of the organization in the meantime. Then, when it came to find out if the film would be released, it was still banned, even with the edits. The reasoning, as announced by the department, is so old-fashioned it's almost cute: "'Cho Lon' violated the Law of Cinema when showing scenes of gangsters blatantly set in battle, chaotic fighting with knives, swords, machetes, with blood spilling everywhere...without the interference of government, polices, people or any other social forces." What is this, 1957? Other directors have blasted the decision, and this is yet another example of creativity being snuffed out by conservative old men.

Check out the trailer for 'Cho Lon' below. This actually looks like a Vietnamese movie worth seeing.


3) Growing numbers of men are injecting liquid silicon into their penises in misguided attempts to make them look bigger! This one goes into the 'try not to wince while reading' category. Vietnamese news sites seem to make up for the subjects they aren't allowed to cover by covering what they can in graphic detail. Horrifying stories of testicles being ripped off by bus tires, or penises being eaten by fish (neither of those are made up) are often relayed with glee. I'll let you read the story for the gory details.

4) Arguably the strangest story of the week has been the ongoing revelations that Quang Ngai province is building ludicrously expensive public school bathrooms. While neighboring provinces are building restrooms for $5,000-$6,000, it has been discovered that a few schools in Quang Ngai has bathrooms that cost up to $36,000! These aren't marble-clad edifices full of automatic toilets, they are the same basic design as anywhere else. Meanwhile, the principals of these schools are complaining that the money should have been used to buy new classroom equipment. The word 'corruption' hasn't been used in a single article related to this story, even though the implication is obvious.

5) The Vietnamese government held its first confidence vote, which is a pretty big deal. In this, members of the National Assembly cast votes of 'high confidence', 'confidence', and 'low confidence' for all members of the cabinet, which includes ministry heads, the prime minister and the president. This would have been a massive deal if 'no confidence' votes had been allowed, but this is still a historic move. Large numbers of 'low confidence' votes for the head of the state bank showed that officials are not happy with the way the national economy is being handled.

6) Another ministry showed its penchant for issuing decress on issues unrelated to any serious problems, and quickly reversing. A few days it was reported that the Construction Ministry had told local governments around the country that no more European or French-styled architecture could be approved for new buildings. Apparently the ministry thought this type of construction is ruining Vietnamese heritage. This decision was blasted, as most contemporary Vietnamese architecture is hideous, with cities and towns nationwide covered in ugly tube houses and shoddy concrete slabs. The best-looking parts of any city here are the old sections.

Today, funnily enough, the ministry lifted the ban, claiming that it was a 'typing error'. Oops! Silly keyboards.


For those of you who live here and don't regularly check out the English-language news sties, you should start doing so. They are often a gold mine of interesting and unintentionally hilarious articles. Plus there's some just plain important stuff as well.

Man or Animal?

I've written before about the dog meat trade here in Vietnam. It is one of the few topics sure to fire up almost any expat, as well as most locals. In spite of stereotypes, most people here do not eat dog. It seems to be mostly consumed by the same out of touch, conservative, rich old men who also believe that tiger bone paste and bear bile will cure their ills.

That being said, there is no doubt that demand for dog remains, and the trade can be lucrative. You could go back and forth on the ethics of eating dog all day, but what really gets most people is the way these dogs are treated. A recent front-page CNN story detailed the typical journey of a dog intended for a dinner table from Thailand to Vietnam. It makes for disturbing reading, as dogs are packed into trucks by the thousands and often die before they even reach the destination. If they make it to Vietnam alive they are beaten to death, or sometimes even skinned alive. Anyone would agree that this is inhumane.

The main reason this trade continues is money. Dog meat is expensive, costing $5-$10 per kilogram. This provides incentive for something that has been big news recently: dog theft. Young men working in pairs on motorbikes will cruise a neighborhood looking for vulnerable dogs and snatch them.

A few days ago two dog thieves in Nghe An province were caught by a local mob. They were beaten savagely, and when police arrived the mob prevented them from reaching the men. By the time the cops got through the crowd one of them was on the verge of death. He died on the way to the hospital, while the other thief is recovering. Their motorbike was burnt down to its frame. This isn't the first time something like this has happened, and the vigilante justice dispensed by the mob has sparked a heated debate, with some people saying the thieves deserved what they got; while others say it is insane to kill a human over an animal.

As much as I love dogs (and I really freaking love them), I have to side with the latter argument. (Though if somebody stole my family's dog I'm not sure how I would react.) People can't just go beating someone to death because they stole their pet. Of course, part of the problem here is that dog thieves usually aren't punished. Under Vietnamese law a theft is only criminal if the stolen goods are worth more than VND 2 million ($100). Most dogs aren't considered to be worth that much, so if thieves are caught they are simply released. If the theft of dogs was criminalized, perhaps that would deter people from taking matters into their own hands. These are ugly stories, and Vietnam doesn't need more of them.

Underground

It's been an interesting couple of weeks for Saigon's music scene. I wrote about the police interfering with the Bourbon Street Jazz Festival last weekend, and there was more of the same this week. Friday night, Q4 was scheduled to host Little Barrie and Dengue Fever in arguably the biggest show of the year. I'm not going to go into too much detail, for several reasons, but during the week the chances of the gig actually happening swung back and forth. On Tuesday Q4's license was pulled, and on Wednesday its manager got it back. Everything looked good to go.

Then, Thursday afternoon, the license was once again pulled, and no one knew if the show would actually happen. Amazingly, the guys behind Q4 managed to get Apocalypse Now to host a what they officially called a 'private party', but was actually the gig. None of this was made known to the general public, instead only people who had already bought tickets were told. The show was going underground.

And it went off without a hitch. 'Apo' isn't known for hosting live music, and there were a lot of questions about its ability to accommodate two major bands, but it worked. The setting was intimate, and after so much doubt and turmoil only enthusiastic music lovers were there, so the crowd was great. The bands were obviously happy to be here, and they both put on great performances, with Little Barrie bringing pure guitar rock, and Dengue Fever an eclectic, high-energy set. This was easily the best gig I've been to in my nearly three years in Saigon. Mad props to the organizers for making it happen in the face of the authorities doing their best to kill the music scene here. It would've been such a shame to have these bands fly all the way out only to find out they couldn't perform. Hopefully the Q4 guys can get the vindictive authorities off their backs and get their venue hosting more big gigs in the future.

A sample of the music:




On a side note regarding the venue: Apocalypse Now is normally repulsive to any normal human being, where beers are 90,000, prostitutes lurk in every corner, sexpats about, and dickhead security guards try to make life miserable for everybody. Last night though, since it was a 'private' event, the seedy elements didn't arrive until later. By the end of the show Apo was back to its usual debauched self, best illustrated by one table in particular, where two Asian men, easily in their 50s, were canoodling with three Vietnamese girls who looked like they were maybe 16. The live music had ended, and it was time to get the hell out.

$38,000

Fundraising for H2H 2013 closed last week, and overall the team raised just under $38,000, which is an awesome amount. This means H2H has now raised well over $100,000 in its four years of riding, which is nothing to sneeze at. Thanks to new relationships with different charity organizations that work with disadvantaged children, we hope to have an even bigger impact on poverty in the future. Or, to paraphrase my friend Phong, we want to keep kicking poverty in the dick. Of course, donors are just as important as the riders, and we wouldn't be able to help these charities without your support. I had several donations from anonymous blog readers, so a massive thanks to you, as well as anybody I know personally who donated. I was able to raise over $2,000 for the second year in a row, which I'm extremely happy about. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for H2H.

On a related note, I just came across an eye-opening mini-documentary by Radio Free Asia on street children in Saigon. I've mentioned this topic a few times before, and it is a difficult one to wrap your head around. A confluence of several nasty social issues, including prostitution, human trafficking, drug abuse, urban migration and lack of education, makes tackling the problem of street kids extremely challenging. This is probably the most informative thing I've ever seen or read on the subject. It's well worth the 15 minutes.


The charities H2H supports strive to help kids just like the ones you see in the video. Living in Saigon you see people like this every day, but few people have any sense of just how big of a struggle life on the street is.

Finally, I invite you to read my latest cover story for AsiaLIFE. It is on physically disabled people in Vietnam, but manages to be much more positive than you would expect. I found two incredibly inspiring disabled Vietnamese and their stories form the core of the article. They are truly amazing people. Feedback is appreciated.
http://www.asialifemagazine.com/vietnam/people-with-disabilities-in-vietnam/

Why Vietnam Can't Have Nice Things

Last night's Bourbon Street Jazz Festival was set to be one of the biggest events in Saigon this year. Somewhere around seven hour's worth of music on two stages. Musicians from New Orleans, Japan, and other countries. Types of food you can't usually find here. And all for charity, with proceeds going towards an organization that builds and distributes wheelchairs to poor, disabled Vietnamese.

When I arrived at 5pm there was already a big crowd, and it seemed obvious that this was going to be a huge success. Q4 looked great, with mock French Quarter-style facades and other appropriate decorations.

I watched Sugarbowl Blues perform, and they were excellent.

I also went straight for some food, trying both the jambalaya and gumbo, prepared by the team from Black Cat. While these obviously weren't as good as what I'm used to back in New Orleans, they were noble efforts, and I really enjoyed both. Well done guys.

Around 7, though, it started becoming clear that something was wrong. There hadn't been any music in a while, and everything was off schedule. A band called Flightwave finally came on, and in the middle of their first song my boss came up and said the police were there, and the festival was about to get shut down. After two more songs I noticed an angry-looking Vietnamese man making an X with his arms towards the stage, and the band immediately stopped playing and walked away. Everyone was confused.

I then heard that one of the stages had already been shut down. A couple of dance performances were put on at the stage I was by, but they were completely off schedule. We started seeing stone-faced police inside. Then Andy Forest, who had flown in from New Orleans to play and was the co-headliner, got onto the stage and announced what we all feared: the officials weren't allowing any more live music, only DJs or recordings. No one else would be playing that night. He had come all the way out here for nothing. Only two or three bands had performed before the cops arrived. People would be able to continue eating and drinkings, but the event was essentially ruined.

Everyone was disgusted, and rumors as to why the police were getting involved swirled. Some guessed the music was too loud, but Q4 is very well insulated and you can't hear anything outside of it. Plus it's in an industrial port section of District 4, so no one lives near it. Some said there were too many foreigners (there were at least 1,000 people there). Others speculated that the right people hadn't been bribed, or had been bribed but then decided they needed more once they saw how big the event was. This is a perfect illustration of why Vietnam can't have nice things.

This was an event for charity; a festival unlike anything that has been held here; a chance for Saigon (and Vietnam) to gain some recognition while helping people; and the authorities in their infinite wisdom decided to destroy it. Anyone who has lived here long enough knows this kind of bullshit happens all the time, but it seemed like everyone was stunned to see something for charity get punished. I've written a lot recently about the struggles of the music/entertainment scene here, but something I hadn't mentioned was the authorities. They talk a big game of turning this place into a powerhouse like Singapore or Bangkok, but that aspiration is laughable when they hold such a suffocating grip on culture. It's no wonder bands don't come here, why should they if they might not even be able to play? The police are so petty and greedy they seem to relish shutting things down simply to show that they can. Seeing the cops standing around Q4, looking smug, was infuriating. They are so ass-backwards, corrupt and uncultured it's disgusting. They should be ashamed of themselves for ruining the hard work of everyone who made the festival happen. There are a lot of very talented, very dedicated people here in Saigon, both expat and Vietnamese, trying to bring proper entertainment to the city, but with the authorities holding such a tight leash on culture it's going to be a big challenge to get things done. What a shame.

EDIT: Apparently there was some sort of technicality regarding licenses for the live bands, hence the police arriving. The amount of red tape required to do anything here is staggering, and it is easy to miss one little step.

A taste of home

Recently a new restaurant called Cajun Cua opened in District 1. As a New Orleans native who knows what real Cajun food tastes like, I'm usually skeptical of any restaurant outside of southeast Louisiana that uses this word to describe its food. Most people seem to think 'Cajun' means make things so spicy your face melts off, instead of focusing on the right flavors. However, I heard good things about Cajun Cua (cua is Vietnamese for crab). It was run by a Viet-Kieu from California, where a local version of Cajun seafood is apparently popular. I checked it out last night with a friend.

The menu is compact, and the main draw is the 1-kilogram combo bag (costs 500,000), which comes with blue swimmer crab, shrimp, clams, corn, sausage and potatoes (only the seafood counts towards the weight, so there's no cheating with the sides, which is a nice touch). You can choose from three sauces: garlic, steamed in beer, or spicy cajun. Obviously we went with the spicy cajun, and it was fantastic. The spice level was just right, and there was tons of flavor. They are apparently working on getting crawfish as well, which would be awesome. The meal was suitably messy, with countless paper towels and wet wipes needed, and a cold Sapporo was a nice accompaniment. We also decided to try the Cajun sweet potato fries, one of a handful of side dish options, and they were excellent. The kitchen definitely knows what they are doing with the spice rack. I highly recommend a visit. I'm in a New Orleans state of mind at the moment, thanks to this meal and Vietnam's first Bourbon Street Jazz Festival, being held at Q4 on Saturday. Should be a great day.

 Cajun Cua is located at 267 Ly Tu Trong, in the neighborhood behind Ben Thanh market. It's well worth a visit.

Beef stew

One of my favorite Vietnamese dishes is bo kho, which is basically beef stew. Chunks of beef are simmered in broth until they are tender enough to break apart with a spoon, then served in a brown soup with carrot and herbs. You are also given a pile of bean sprouts and mint leaves, which you can add to your desire. There are two common types of this dish: bo kho banh mi, and bo kho mi. The former is served with a crispy baguette, while the latter is served on thin noodles. Since I'm a glutton I usually get both the bread and noodles.

Oddly, I don't actually eat this dish very often. I have no idea why. Last week a couple of friends took me to a cart that has some of the best bo kho I've had in Saigon. There is no address, it's tucked down Ho Thi Ky in District 10, in the middle of the flower market. To get there turn off Ly Thai To, take a left at the fork, and go for a couple hundred meters. Look for the stall on your left.